Best NFL Team Never To Play Football
I already know what you are thinking. “Come on Subhodaya, this is a basketball blog and here you are writing ANOTHER post about football. Do you know what the hell you are doing?” Of course I do.
My cousins and I always discuss athletes playing other sports than what they went pro in; so, with the NFL season ending and the NBA approaching the all-star break, I thought it would be appropriate to answer this question: If the NBA had to put together a professional football team to play in the NFL, who would be on the team? The biggest problem this question poses is there are so many players to choose from. Out of the 3 major sports (sorry Canada, hockey doesn’t count) basketball players, as a whole, are the most athletic and well-rounded athletes, unless they are 7′ 7″, from Romania, and starred in the movie My Giant. To narrow down the field, I have decided to only pick players who were productive during the last decade and the reason for that is this is my list so I make the rules. Also, when you imagine each player on the football field, imagine them during their prime. Without further ado, here is the greatest football team never to play football.
QB: Allen Iverson. With NFL defenses getting faster and faster, you need a QB who can avoid pressure and also present the threat of the run on every play. Who better than AI? During his prime Iverson was one of the quickest and most tenacious players. He drove to the hole without hesitation and was not afraid to get hit. You need that type of toughness in the leader of your offense. After a sack or a knockdown, it always helps keep morale up when the quarterback bounces back quickly and moves on to the next play. No one got up more after being sent sprawling to the hardwood than Iverson. Also, Iverson was the center of the Philadelphia 76ers offense and everything ran through him, causing people to label him as a ball hog. Well, by making him my QB I’m making sure the ball is in his hands on every play. Some people might argue that he is too small. To channel my inner Joy Behar so what, who cares? People said Drew Brees was too small and he just won some big game or something. If you still don’t like my choice of Iverson, watch this.
RB: LeBron James. With all due respect to every other RB who has ever played in the NFL, LeBron would be the most feared one. Who wants to try to tackle a 250 pounder running full speed? I have an answer. NO ONE. With his speed and strength he could score 6 anytime he touched the ball, no matter where he was on the field. LeBron also has great vision and would be able to see holes before they opened up and would also know when to break a run outside or just barrel up the middle for 4 yards. He would make Adrian Peterson look like Betty White.
WR1: Kobe Bryant. At 6’6″ he would tower over any defensive back who played against him. If he is covered one on one, just throw it up and there’s a 90% chance Kobe is coming down with it. Hell, even if he’s covered by three guys throw it up to him. He’ll come down with it 80% of the time or draw a penalty. Another reason Kobe would make a great receiver is his footwork. What sets 24 apart from his peers in basketball is his impeccable footwork. He is by far the best at the pump fake, spin on your pivot, and score…without traveling. To be a great WR you need great footwork. You need to be able to make tight cuts and not lose speed while making them. Kobe would be a master at doing this. Also, with his amazing stamina and competitiveness, Kobe would not take plays off a la Randy Moss.
WR2: Leandro Barbosa. He’s fast. With Kobe dominating on the other side, I need someone to stretch the field. I was looking at Tony Parker, but he’s French…not that there’s anything wrong with that. You guys make excellent toast. Anyways, all Barbosa needs to do is run down field and occupy one of the safeties, and block every once in a while. He’ll have no problem doing that.
TE: Joakim Noah. Yeah he’s annoying, but if he’s on your team that’s okay. He’s a hustle guy and does a lot of the little things that help your team win. With Kobe and LeBron getting most of the touches, I don’t need my TE to be a pass catching TE. I need him to block, make a big play here and there, and pump the team up. I will get that from Yannick’s son. Also, like I said he is really annoying, so there’s a good chance that at least once a game he pisses off the opponents so much that they do something stupid and get an unsportsmanlike penalty.
FB: Anderson Varejao. I want my fullback to not care about anything except blocking for the RB. Believe me when I say the fullback is not going to get any touches. When you watch Varejao play, you can tell that he enjoys getting rebounds, playing defense, and most importantly setting screens for LeBron. Well on my football team he can enjoy blocking for LeBron. He can also use his hair to clear space.
Guard, Center, and Tackle: Shaquille O’ Neal. Trust me, Shaq will be enough. If not we can throw in Robert “Tractor” Traylor to help him out. And yes, that is really him.
CB1: Bruce Bowen. Would be great at bump n run coverage. The key to bump n run is to use your hands to knock the receiver off his route. Bruce was great at using his hands to defend players during his run with the Spurs, even though most of the time it was illegal. Now he can do it legally. Also, he had very quick feet and anticipated well, so he could definitely cover a receiver one on one. Most importantly, Bowen was regularly touted as the league’s dirtiest player, so he would trip, claw, and bite the opponent’s number one receiver into submission.
CB2: Josh Smith. Might not be quick enough to cover a receiver one on one but my safeties can help with that. With his height, length, and leaping ability, he would be hellacious in zone coverage. He could basically cover two zones by himself. Might gamble a little bit too much to get a pick (similar to him shooting so many 3’s even though he has a horrible percentage) but I can live with that.
FS and SS: Rajon Rondo and Chris Paul. Neither of them is very big but I do not need them to make big hits. Both of them are among the league leader in steals, which makes them perfect as my safeties. They have great instincts, would get good jumps on the ball, and would definitely be able to read the eyes of the opposing QB. Both of them are very smart players and would most likely always be in position to make a tackle or make a play on the ball. If they are ever out of position, they have enough speed to make up for it.
MLB: Ron Artest. Very strong and versatile. In the NBA, Artest is one of the few players who can guard anyone from a point guard to a power forward. On the football field, I could put him on a tight end, the third receiver, or have him blitz and cause havoc in the pocket. Also remember, this is Ron Ron in his prime aka Crazy Ron Artest so opponents would definitely be afraid of him because there would be a good chance he would punch them in the face. I would have Stephen Jackson chilling on my bench just in case Ron needed help.
Defensive End and Tackle: Shaquille O’ Neal and Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor. Trust me, they will be enough.
Secret Weapon: Dwight Howard. Anytime the opponent is lining up to kick a field goal I’m bringing in Howard. With his height and leaping ability he is going to block every kick or at least make the kicker push the ball wide right or left. No field goals against my team I guarantee it.
GM: Me. I put the team together. I’m the GM.
Coach: Jim Caldwell. Just seeing if you are still paying attention. I would only have Caldwell as my coach if this was a team full of mimes. The coach would be…me. As the GM, I would play the loyalty card and hire myself as coach. Hey, that’s just the way it goes.
Offensive and Defensive Coordinator: Me…again. What did you expect?
With the athletes on this team, and with the great coaching I would provide, we could just fill up the other positions with random scrubs and the team would still go 16-0 in the regular season and destroy everyone in the playoffs. First team to go 19-0. Take it to the bank.